Entry #8: Standing Your Ground

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 It looks like we're almost done with this rebuild. Hopefully you've found something helpful, useful, or even comforting here. But for the moment it's time to get your shovel. It's fine to cave or some space.

Two concepts that might seem unrelated but have a common energy area the ideas of digging in and drawing boundaries. It's all the same vibe. "This is my space." both are equally important, and for a lot of people equally difficult for various reasons.

Drawing or own boundaries, for a lot of people, feels like pushing people away. Especially when the selfish people in our lives say as much. Let me assure you, it's not. Boundaries are our way of saying I will not tolerate or allow that in my life. It's that simple. The hard part comes when people we don't want to lose push on those boundaries and blame us for them. The nicest way to describe that behavior is selfish. I'll keep the more colorful words for you to fill in.

Holding on to your boundaries doesn't mean cutting people out of your life the moment the cross that line. You really can just say no to that moment. Acknowledge what happened, clearly state your feelings, and ask for it to not happen again. It's okay to say "I'm not going to invite you over if your going to do that." You can still be close to someone and still refuse to be around them if they are drunk. That choice is still theirs. If they refuse to accept your lines several times over, will maybe then it's time to look at why you are trying to keep them around.

At some point you might to have to make the hard choice and stand firm and refuse someone back into you life that you really wish you didn't have to. This is going to take a hefty chunk of self respect and persistence. Hopefully you've found the first part on your way here. The latter bit were going to work look at now.

Digging in your heels and saying "this is my life, my path and I'm not going let someone else take it away from me" can be one of the hardest points to draw, especially when the person you are standing against is a past version of yourself. But it is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, there's no chat code for it. You have to hold on to your dream, remember why you started the journey, and remove yourself why you wanted or needed this is the first place.

Some people are going to hate the choices you have made. Whether it's jealousy, insecurity, or the just don't like what your choice 'takes away from them', they don't get a vote. Most people aren't going to care. It's not that they don't like you, or don't want you to succeed, they just have no concern for this moment in your life. It doesn't impact their lives. They have their own life to manage. This is fine. Most of the world is like this. They don't even know you. And then there will be today people that really care about you. They've got your back. They want you to succeed. They will do everything they can to help. But that's just it...help. They can't do it for you. This bit right here is all on you.

This means waking up and resisting the donuts in the morning, actually going to the gym, asking for that raise, or leaving something that is hurting you. You have to take that step. You have to speak those words. Thankfully this means your get all the credit. Every inch you gain on your goal is something awesome you gave yourself. Even if it takes you longer than expected, you made it happen. Hell, overcoming the challenges and obstacles gives you even more to be proud of.

I know how hard and scary this part can. I'm in it right now. Every day is a struggle. Some days are so much harder than others. It's okay to admit how hard it is, how much it hurts. You have permission to scream, cry, or laugh about it. Take the time to rest and recuperate. Rest is part of the process. Then get up, remind yourself of why your doing this, and find the next inch.

You've got this. Even if you have to restart entire chunks of this project, you can make it happen. The only person that can take this away from you is you. All anyone else can do is stand in your way. Find your way around them. That just becomes one another obstacle, one more goal to reach. Dealing with the things in your path are part of the path.

Like I said, you've got this.

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